Alicia slid into the booth and smiled at her friend. “I’m so glad we’re getting together.”
Natalie grinned back. “It’s been far too long.”
Alicia set her purse on the booth beside her and focused on Natalie. “It’s so good to see you. How is everything going? How’s work, how are the kids, how’s Derek?”
Natalie shook her head. “That’s a lot of questions at once. Work is fine. Keeping me busy, but I like it. The kids are good. Gabriella is super into gymnastics, and Dominic just got a part-time job. They’re growing up so fast.”
Alicia leveled her gaze at Natalie. “You didn’t answer about Derek.”
Natalie sighed. “He’s good, I guess.”
“Uh-oh. What’s going on?”
Natalie shrugged. “Nothing, really. We’ve just been getting on each other’s nerves more every year. It’s like we’re roommates more than anything. We’re civil to one another, but we’re not in love anymore.”
Alicia raised her eyebrows. “You don’t love your husband?”
Natalie waved a hand. “Shhh! Don’t say it like that. It’s just not the same. I’m not sure what will happen when the kids leave the house. It’s like we don’t remember the good times we had in the beginning. But I don’t like to think about that because it makes me sad.”
Alicia took a sip of her water. “Why do the good times make you sad?”
“Because we’ll never be like that again. We’ll never be in love, and I miss that.”
“So love him again.”
Natalie blinked. “What on earth do you mean? You can’t just flip a switch and change your feelings.”
Alicia reached across the table and squeezed Natalie’s hand. “Love isn’t about a feeling. Love is a choice. Every day you choose to love. You choose to treat the other person with kindness and respect. You do things for them, pray for them, and put their needs above your own.”
“So I go against what I feel?”
“If you do those things, I promise, your feelings will follow. You can’t pray for someone regularly and not feel positively towards them.”
Natalie frowned. “It doesn’t seem fair. Relationships are a two-way street. Why should I be the one to put in all the effort?”
Alicia folded her arms across her chest. “I have two questions for you. First, do you want your marriage to succeed?”
Natalie dropped her gaze. “Yes.”
Alicia nodded. “Good. And the second question is, can you control what Derek does?”
“Ha! Of course not. If I could, we’d never argue about his unfinished chores.”
“OK. You’ve admitted you’re unhappy with the way things are, and you want them to improve. The only person you can control is yourself. If you make these changes, I promise things will get better. Just wait and see.”
“So treat him with respect, do kind things for him, and pray for him.”
“That’s it!”
~*~
A few weeks later, Alicia got a text from Natalie.
It’s a beautiful day. Want to join me for a walk?
Alicia set down her laundry basket and texted back.
Absolutely. Give me 10 minutes and I’ll meet you in the middle.
She put the laundry in the washing machine, changed into her walking sneakers, and entered the garage to talk to Ryan. “I’m going out to walk with Natalie. I just put the laundry in the washing machine. It should be good until I get back.”
Ryan kissed her on the forehead. “Enjoy your girl time. I’ll be in the yard trimming back some bushes.”
Alicia hurried down the street, anxious to hear about Natalie’s relationship.
When Natalie turned the corner, her smile was bright and broad. Alicia drew closer to see her eyes were shining as well. Natalie was practically glowing.
“You look great.”
“I feel great, thanks to you.”
“Oh?”
Natalie squeezed Alicia in a tight hug before releasing her. They started walking down the sidewalk. “Your advice really helped. Every day for the past three weeks, I’ve been praying for God to heal our relationship, for Him to help me be the type of person Derek needs, and to show me how to love him well. I’ve asked Him to draw closer to Derek and to bless him.”
Alicia could barely contain her excitement for her friend. “And what happened?”
“Nothing at first. At least not with Derek. He could tell I was in a better place mentally, but he was still grouchy. He viewed my kindness with suspicion. But I consistently did what you said. At first, grudgingly. I didn’t want to make his favorite dinner or pick up his dirty socks. But I did it anyway, without complaining. And he noticed. He started coming home from work a little earlier, and he started asking me about my day, instead of retreating to the den after dinner. After about two weeks, he finally asked me what made me different. I told him about our conversation. I told him I loved him and our marriage was the most important thing in my life and I was going to do my best to choose to love him for the rest of my life.”
Alicia stared at her. “What did he say?”
Natalie’s lip quivered. “He cried. He actually cried. I’ve never seen him cry before. But he took me in his arms, told me he loved me, and that he wanted to choose to love me, too.”
Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
God, help us remember love is a choice. Help us treat others, especially those closest to us, with kindness, respect, and love. Help us remember to pray for those around us. Not only because it draws others to You, but also because it will shape us into who You want us to be. Thank You for choosing to love us, through all our weaknesses and failures. You are a wonderful example for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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