What If?

Donna clicked off the FaceTime call and sank back against her recliner, overcome with an uncharacteristic bout of loneliness. Strange it should happen now, after a call with her oldest. David had turned into such a fine young man. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined he would have become a doctor. Not only that, but the husband of an amazing woman and the father of two adorable little girls. What a blessing. He’d been on a missions trip this past week, so she hadn’t seen him the last couple of weekends. She hadn’t seen Lawrence Jr. for a little while either, but with three little ones of his own and the stress of grading all those papers, he’d be busy until finals were over. Her boys – a doctor and a college professor, and her a grandmother of five. What a blessing.

She didn’t feel blessed right now, though. All her joints ached, and she was sitting here all alone. Ever since the accident back when the boys were teenagers. If only that hadn’t happened. She’d be free of this awful limp, and she’d still have Larry. Her mind went back to that awful night, as it often did. The night that changed everything.

****

“Do you think the boys are behaving themselves?” Donna asked, as she slipped into the passenger seat.

Larry squeezed her hand across the gearshift. “Of course not. They’re teenagers who’ve been left alone on a Saturday night.”

Worry creased Donna’s brow, and Larry laughed. “Honey, I’m sure they’re fine. There’s nothing wrong with us going out once in a while and leaving them home alone. I’m sure all they’re doing is playing video games.”

Donna let out a breath. “You’re probably right. It was nice to spend the evening with Ted and Janet. I’m glad we got out tonight.”

Larry backed the car out of the driveway and headed toward home. When he turned at the stop sign, the car fishtailed.

“Guess there’s a little black ice out here. I’ll have to keep it steady so we make it home in one piece.”

****

That was the last thing she remembered before waking up in the hospital with terrible pains shooting down her legs. Back in the present, she reached down to massage her legs, then sent up a prayer.

“Why, God? Why did you allow it to happen? You took Larry from us, and I haven’t had a pain-free day in decades.” She buried her head in her hands. “I wish the accident had never happened. Our lives would be so much better.”

Before long, her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.  A short while later, she awoke, blinking, looking around at the room. She rose from the chair and nearly dropped back into it again. She had no pain in her legs! How was that possible? She lifted her pant leg.  No scars! Had her wish been granted? Did that mean Larry was here? She ran from room to room, but there was no sign of him. Instead, she focused on the pictures on the mantle. Gone were the wedding photos, the pictures of the grandchildren… What could that mean?

She threw open the closet in the master bedroom, but only her clothes were present. If the accident hadn’t happened, why wasn’t Larry here?

A knocking at the door caught her attention. She hurried to answer it, finding her oldest friend on the other side.

“Carrie, what are you doing here?” Donna asked.

“It’s Saturday night. I’ve come to pick you up for bowling, just like I do every Saturday night,” Carrie said, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

Donna stared at her, unblinking. She hadn’t been able to bowl since before the accident. What had happened the last twenty years? Maybe Carrie could shed some light on the situation.

“Carrie? What happened to Larry?”

Carrie’s face fell. “Oh, sweetie, do you really want to talk about him?”

“I do. Why isn’t he here?”

Carrie led Donna over to the sofa. “He just couldn’t cope with the loss of David.”

Donna gasped. “What do you mean?”

Carrie patted Donna’s hand. “After David overdosed in high school, you and Larry went through a tough patch. He never really got over it. He left a couple years later. Do you not remember?”

Donna clutched her chest. David? Her precious David? How could it be? Trembling, afraid to hear the answer, but needing to know, she asked “What about Lawrence Jr.? Where is he?”

“Oh, honey, we haven’t heard from him in years. I know he got in trouble with the law a while back, but he’s just been out of touch.” Carrie squeezed Donna’s hand. “What’s going on? Are you having trouble with your memory?”

“I don’t think I can handle bowling tonight,” Donna said.

“No problem,” Carrie said. “Do you want to sit and talk?”

Donna shook her head. “I think I need to be alone. Maybe do some praying.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Carrie asked. “I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with God.”

Hot tears stung Donna’s eyes. How was that possible? How could she not want anything to do with her precious Lord? “Thanks for coming, but I do need to be alone now.”

Carrie nodded and walked to the front door. “Call me if you change your mind.”

Donna walked back to her recliner and eased into it. How could all that be true? Larry left her? Her precious, caring, loving children were not what she knew them to be? Closing her eyes, she reflected on all she had heard. Could the accident have really been a blessing? The boys had given up so much after the accident. They had to take on all the responsibilities of the house after their father died. Donna had been in therapy for months. Certainly caring for her is what led David into medicine. The tragedy the boys endured must have shaped them into the wonderful young men they became.

Donna squeezed her eyes shut, allowing the tears to fall. The saddest thing she had heard in all the awful things Carrie said was that she didn’t want anything to do with God. She sent up another prayer.

“God, I see now how you used the accident to shape us. Thank you for giving me twenty wonderful years with Larry, and for the fantastic men my boys became. Thank you for the accident, because it drew my boys and me to you, since we had nowhere else to turn.”

Donna opened her eyes. They were immediately drawn to the pictures on the mantle. Pictures of her adult sons with their wives and precious children. She stood to look at them closer. As her legs protested, she smiled. If losing Larry and having aches and pains were the price she paid to have a relationship with her children and grandchildren, and especially a relationship with her Lord, it was well worth it.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Lord God, You allow trials in our lives, but we know whatever You allow, You can use. Please help us to draw closer to You in our trials, and not push You away. May we be a witness to others through the dark times and encourage them in their own trials. Thank you for walking with us in both difficult times and times of joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.